UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Week 7 | Theme: Self Portrait | Hair type: 4b

Over the last seven weeks I have taken photos of different models with different hairstyles and hair types. Through this process, I have also reminisced about how I felt as a young girl with complicated, difficult, curly hair. The intention of this blog was to appreciate my hair through taking photos of others' hair. My goal was to share with others each week a story of the model or a story relating to my experience with confidence and self-love. 

Taking these photos of myself was hard for me because I'm usually the one behind the camera. I prefer to take the picture rather than be in it. That notion stems from me always feeling self-conscious about how I look. However, since I wanted to end this 7 week blog with self-portraits, I accepted the challenge and broke out of my shell. 

I decided to take close up shots of my face because I wanted to emphasis my hair and facial features. Not seeing a lot of black girls in the media who looked like me, I always felt that beauty wouldn't count me in. I often found myself staring in the mirror, trying to imagine different features on my face that are considered beautiful. 

At the age of 12 my mother started straightening my hair for me. I was addicted to the idea that straight hair meant beauty and beauty meant likability. By the time I was 15, my hair was dead. There was no life in my curls as they stayed limp and dry. At such a young age I was very naive and stubborn. My mother would continue to straighten my hair because I would cry and be miserable. It was so bad that one day I even stayed home from school because my hair wasn't straight. 

That's what the media can do. It can influence you in a way that you're own thoughts and beliefs get washed out and the new ones swept in. At the age of 17, I was tired of fighting an endless battle with my hair that had already lost because it was dead. I decided to shave the sides of my head so that it would grow and become healthy again. I put down the straightener, for good. 

When my hair fell from my scalp to the floor, I had never felt so free before. I felt like I had control and power over my body, over my thoughts, and over my idea of beauty. I wasn't afraid to see the outcome of me with shaved sides. I was more interested in soaking up the feeling of finally letting go. I did end up loving the style which did make me happier about my decision (and helped me gained a new confidence). 

Curly hair doesn't grow as a fast as straight hair does though, so watching it grow back was a struggle. When my hair was finally long enough to do single braids, I felt better knowing that I was almost on my way to having a good length of healthy, curly hair. 

After about 4 years, my wet curly hair started to touch my shoulders. I could see spirals in my hair that I never saw before. My hair wasn't the only thing that grew, I grew too. I started to appreciate my hair over the years of taking proper care of it to grow it back again. My idea of beauty changed and I started to see the beauty in diversity. I explored the different things I could do with my hair and began to love myself. 

Now when I look in a mirror, I spend minutes staring because I appreciate my hair and my look. I try to find new ways to comb it because I never could do that before when it was dead. The straighter has stayed tucked away in my closet. The only exception is during Christmas and the New year when I feel that I have treated my hair well all year that one week of straightened hair won't be so bad. I learned a lot during these passed weeks as I interviewed other girls with curly hair and reflected on my past. Thank you for reading this blog and following my journey.